Rebaching Season 15 Episode 6

I would like to begin this week's recap by asserting that Hannah and I are more similar than I originally thought. Yes, we may have completely different backgrounds, interests, life paths, and hair styles, but we both have an innate sense for what man is going to be the absolute worst for us and going all in. Therefore, I relate. What can I say, life is hard when men love to manipulate your empathy for their own gain and you're too trusting to see it. Oh, and blinded by his body.

We pick up where we left off, with Hannah informing Luke that no, he did not manage to convince her he was a human, and yes, she would be eliminating him in favor of a man with a complete range of emotions. He doesn't even make it to the van that's waiting outside to dump him at the airport; instead, he marches back inside to give his manipulation tactics another go. Everyone mad at Hannah has a) forgotten that she doesn't get to watch his villain edit unfold in real time, and b) never had a man feed into your insecurities to get what he wants. If she's afraid no one is going to fall in love with her, of course she's going to keep around the one who claims he already is! When you break up with someone and they march right back in there to prove you wrong, of course you're going to second guess yourself!

All rants aside, Luke talks her out of his own elimination and he gets to head back to the house instead, sans rose. What happens next is idiotic at best, toxic at worst. Heading into the final cocktail party for last week's dates, Garrett pulls Hannah aside and asks if Luke talked about any of the other men on his date. Since Hannah is honest and knows how human conversations work, she goes "Yeah? Because I asked him about other people? And therefore he was obligated to answer?" Garrett, furious, marches back to Luke and insights a four way screaming match so circular and childish that Hannah's last five brain cells quit on the spot. "Stay in your lane!" she yells, the sound of her complete and utter distaste for dating men reverberating throughout the Scottish highlands. "All y'all are the problem, not just Luke!" While I know what she's referring to is the fact that their obsession with Luke prevents them from wanting to genuinely get to know Hannah, its a low-blow to compare every non-sociopath with the one definitive sociopath. She goes upstairs only for them to pick right up where they left off, and she cancels the cocktail party right then and there.

"Look guys, I'm keeping Luke around until I'm one hundred percent sure that his hotness does not outweigh his inability to understand human behavior."

Mike and Jed are still clinging to their roses from last week, so the remaining go to:

• Connor: probably the only one safe from her wrath since he wasn't involved in the event in question.
• Tyler C: probably also safe from her wrath, since he's hot.
• Dustin: he isn't going to win but ... just imagine.
• Peter: riding that "we made out on a pool table" high still.
• Dylan: part of the "keep our names out of your mouth!" fiasco
• Garrett: ringleader of the "keep our names out of your mouth!" fiasco
• Luke: apparently, bullying someone in front of your collective girlfriend isn't going to make her dump him

That means leaving us is Devin, who got the most screentime of the season twenty minutes before he was eliminated, hot dog eater Grant, and hasn't-been-kissed Kevin. None of these are surprising, and, honestly, they should have known they wouldn't have outlasted Luke P when she obviously isn't into straddling them in the middle of a group date.

They jet-set off to Latvia for approximately two minutes of footage, because we are promptly interrupted by Chris Harrison back at the Bachelor mansion. "To understand how Hannah got here, we have to look to the past," he says, as if we haven't been watching this show for half a season. The moral of this whole segment is "hey, if you haven't noticed, she really liked Luke until she didn't so now she doesn't know what to do." It's not rocket science, Chris. Sometimes when you first meet someone, they appear normal, and then turn out to be the human embodiment of toxic masculinity. She's allowed to change her mind. The upsetting part is that this episode really feels like it's building up towards Jed, when in real time it was just announced that he declared his love for another woman the night before flying to LA for filming. It's even more ironic when you think about how she kicked Scott to the curb the first night for the exact same thing. Yikes.

What was the point of this recap? To make sure all the drama wasn't concentrated in one episode, I guess. They have to milk this for all it's worth, and it looks like the first date next week is a two-on-one with Garrett and Luke in a half-hearted rebirth of the Luke/Luke showdown. It seems like Luke is the one who expected Hannah to remain completely chaste, but, hey, you know the editors, so we'll have to watch the episode ourselves to find out.